All men are bastards...
Some women are bastards....
All these bastard people, once they habitually display bastard-like behavior...should be shot
No one is to be exempt. No one can be trusted.
My own cousin would sell me out, just to have a slight inkling of feeling loved...in a drunken stupor..and its not fair
Men are bastards.
I had a dream about a friend of my cousin-different cousin-...I don't think he's a bastard, but no doubt he has bastard potential. It wasnt a dirty dream, just a dream...we went bowling at what appeared to be a high security bowling center. My family went too...it was kind of like a date. I enjoyed the dream.
Until I woke up and realized that it doesnt matter. Men are still bastards. I'm only creating more trust issues for myself and I don't care.
I don't like waking up in the morning and feeling like nobody cares. Like I'm alone and I don't matter.
I want to quit my job...the one thing that gave me a purpose. Its...unneccesary....I need to call tomorrow and just quit. But what do I say?
I knew what to expect after graduation, so im not disappointed. Its like...I fell off the face of the earth to most people. I'm going running tomorrow. I don't care where to, and what it takes. I'm going to the gym, or something. It used to make me feel better. I need it.I'm suffering from depression. Its really bad. I don't even want to wake up in the morning. I keep forcing myself to go back to sleep and praying that I won't wake up again. It's easier. I know it is. I only wish it was possible. Or on the other hand, to convince everyone around me that I exist. That I may be needy, but I need someone, because I'm alone. And I'm tired of repressing my anger, my hurt, my depression, my disappointment, my joy, my love...and i'm tired of feeling guilty when I've done nothing wrong.
Won't someone just stumble into my path already?? I need to smile.
Remind me later to explain my disappointment about the wedding....I'm still too hurt and embarrased at this point. | 
